So I’ve been on a wee roll about snow blowers. As luck would have it after my last post bragging on my old Toro snow blower, within 24 hours it had a major malfunction. Major malfunction in my book constitutes anything that will take more than a couple of hours to fix. I don’t have all day to spend working on this thing. Traveling Mon-Thurs, Sun-Thurs lately, my weekends are wicked short. So again, if the snow blower takes more than 2 hours to fix, I’m hosed.

I determined that the snow blower slipped the belt for the auger, so it would not chop up the snow and spit it out the shoot. Instead, I had a glorified mini snow plow and could only push the snow around. There was no way I could fix this thing quickly, and the repair shop had a 14 day wait period for repairs. So I made a pair of executive decisions.

1. Get the snow blower repaired and sell it.
2. Get a new snow blower.

Number 1 morphed into calling up a mechanically inclined friend, told him the problem, and said if he wanted the snow blower for tinkering, it was his for the taking. The old girl still has lots of life in her, and he wanted it. I delivered it to him that same day.

Number 2, well I’m just all squishy and giddy excited over my new beast, pictured above. The shop dropped it off, and I gave it a little test drive on the way to put it in the shed. The first thing I did was ram it into a snow bank. I mean if I’m going to test this new toy out, might as well give it the hardest job right out of the gate. Holy crap, this thing is a monster. I’ve seen snow blowers on riding tractors shoot snow 30 feet in the air, and that is a true thing of beauty. I now have one that will do the same, and I would have swooned had I not been laughing and so freakin giddy over the sight. I believe I’m in love with my new Toro.

With all the warming trends in between snow storms and upcoming deluge of rain, the snow will mostly disappear … for now. Fingers are crossed for another big dump of white stuff SOON because I can’t wait to get this baby out in the middle of it and tear it up.

Picture by me of a gorgeous new Toro 928 9HP Decimator of Snow

Since the last “Maine” post was about snow blowers, I decided to do another one on the same topic. What’s the fun in shooting dog turds through the snow blower if the snow blower isn’t running right?

The first time I tried to do some mechanicin’ on my snow blower beyond an oil change, I thought: How hard can it be? I can work on cars, change tires, change oil, and all that jazz. This will be a snap.

The mission: Pull the carburetor, clean it, put it back on, fire up the snow blower, and listen to her purr.

This snow blower was purchased used by a friend. I got the snow blower from said friend in exchange for a laptop (that’s a different story about that trade). Even after two owners, me being #3, the Toro was still in good shape. The engine misfired some and didn’t like to idle at a low RPM after I had it for a couple of years. No biggie.

Prior to the snow flying a few years ago, I decided I would fix the issue and clean the carb. I watched some online videos that made it look easy. I’ve got this.

I find the carburetor and didn’t have the torx-type-screwdrivers-whatever-they’re-called-thingies to remove it, so I make a trip to Lowes. I return with the proper torx doohickies and get to work. I put vinyl gloves on, get gasoline all over them when draining the carb, and remove the carb.

My carburetor looked nothing like the one in the videos I watched. Crap!

I didn’t know what the parts were in this thing. It looked fairly clean and not grubby like in the videos. The more I mess with this thing, the dirtier I’m getting by way of dripping gasoline, smearing it from my hands to my arms, and stepping in it.

I finally give up (briefly), go inside, grab the netbook, bring it out to the shed with me, and pull up the online videos. Step by step, or rather second by second, I play the video back while I inspect the carb in my hands. This isn’t going well.

My carb is an alien life form from Mars and nothing like the video. CRAP!! Snow storm is due to hit the next day. I’m in trouble.

I start looking for more videos for my carb, and come up empty. Swearing ensues.

In my peripheral vision I see something small fall in the grass, but I don’t know what it is or where it went. I look at the carb in my hand and a major piece of it falls off. I’m screwed. I can’t find the other little piece…still not sure something even fell, but I get the impression the little piece was important because the other half of the carb keeps falling off. I’m thinking that’s not supposed to happen.

This must be one of those parts that’s “extra” of course. I don’t really NEED to have it, right?

I rig the carb, manually holding it together while I shove it back on the snow blower and torx wrench-screwdriver that thing back on. Looks good from where I’m standing. I prime the engine and fire it up.

Gasoline squirts out in a steady stream from the primer button.

That DEFINITELY shouldn’t happen. I start laughing. My laughing gets harder. I finally get my brain in gear to get something to catch the gasoline spilling on the grass and turn the engine off. I’m laughing while catching the gas still coming out of the primer button even though the engine is off.

Finally the stream of gas stops, and I am now certain that the lost part wasn’t an unnecessary extra. I resort to tearing up the grass, pulling it out of the ground, and holy cow, I find the little brown rod that slipped out. It slides perfectly back into the carb and holds the two parts together. I get the Martian carb back on the snow blower and fire it back up.

No gasoline shooting out of the primer button this time. Good.

The engine is maybe slightly less rough running. I’ll take it. I at least have it running well enough for the impending storm.

I get a new carb ordered and installed once it arrives a week or so later. The Toro purred in a way it has never purred for me before. I did keep the old carb just in case I ever need to remove the newer one and that little bar holding the two Martian parts together decides to take another hike.

Image from sxc.hu

Below is a poem my dad wrote for me when I graduated from Mississippi State back in, I don’t know, 2000, or so. This writing thing, it’s hereditary. 🙂

Cheryl’s Graduation Poem

You have spent years to pursue a college degree’

You have finally finished and don’t know what you will be.

Now you could go back and study some more,

And learn just enough to be a big bore.

You have studied and studied as you come and you go,

But do you really understand all that you know?

You have now graduated and think you are smart,

But believe it or not you are still a big Fart!

When asked as a child, “What will you be?”

You said, “Dog catcher, Daddy, that’s the job for me.”

After all of the schooling in your intellectual pursuit,

You are now qualified for that job that will suit.

Dogcatchers are good and a job of your own,

But it won’t make enough to pay back the loan.

All kidding around and joking aside,

We’re happy for you, Baby and brimming with pride.

Congratulations, we love you, Mama and Daddy.

By: Richard E. Campbell

True story! When Dad told me how long Veterinarians went to college, I told him I’d instead be a dog catcher.

Poem copyright Richard E Campbell, Sr, 2000. Don’t go stealin’ my dad’s stuff!

Image from sxc.hu

In keeping with the winter theme and living in the northeast, here are a few things you should know about owning and operating a snow blower before you get one. I haven’t actually read the user manual on mine, but I don’t think these tidbits are mentioned…at least not specifically. Still, they are important to note, so here ya go:

• Frozen dog turds DO go through the snow blower.
• Frozen dog turds are hard as rocks. They can chip paint and put eyes out when ejected from the snow blower.
• The dog’s tennis ball left out in the snow will ALSO go through the snow blower. This is hilarious, and I highly recommend doing it at least once a month.
• The dog’s hard chew bone toy will likely go through the snow blower…and come out in pieces if it doesn’t jam up the works. This is not as funny and not recommended at all.
• Pointing the snow blower chute at things it shouldn’t be pointed at (like windows) will result in much swearing and cold drafts.
• The snow blower ONLY runs out of gas at the farthest point away from the gas can. It will never ever run out next to the gas can.

Image from homedepot.com. Beautiful Toro model. My Toro is similar though not as fancy, so yes, I’m drooling.

Those silly warning labels on products such as “Do not use iron on clothes while they are on your body” and “Do not close your head inside the oven while baking a cake” are the best. Those warnings are there because some doofus did just that. One would think common sense would prevent such blunders, but clearly there is a knowledge gap…between the ears of such blunderers.

Having moved from the deep south to the frozen tundra of the northeast, I quickly became a firm believer that New England should require an entry exam for southerners BEFORE they are allowed to relocate. They should also require a second and more extensive exam prior to owning a home in New England if that southerner has lived in the northeast for oh, say, less than a few decades.

Life is full of in the moment learning experiences, but a “Handbook for Doofuses Moving from the South to the North” and “How to Pass the Nonexistent New England Entrance Exam” would be great additions to anyone’s collection, particularly mine.

I’m coming up on the 15 year mark of living in Maine, so I have learned by trial and LOTS of error. I do believe that my errors would have been lessened with proper training and instruction ahead of time. However, by not having prior training, I know I entertained the hell out of my neighbors in my myriad of attempts to be a Maine homeowner.

Here are some rules that should be in such a handbook for other southerners considering a move north (assuming said southerner is insane enough to pull this relocation stunt) that is guaranteed to produce culture, climate, and sanity shock.

Rule #1: Whatever you think you know about the north, forget it.

Example:

If you grew up in the south, then that means there will be cold weather in the north, right? No. There will be #$*$&@! FRIGID weather in the north at times. I didn’t know gasoline, while still IN your car, can freeze inside the fuel lines. Guess what? It can and does!

Rule #2: If you can’t already laugh at yourself, learn or don’t bother moving. Rules 1 and 2 are probably interchangeable in rank at this point, but you get the idea.

Example:

Roof rake? Really? If you have never SEEN one of these things before, you should NOT be allowed to use it unsupervised. I was smart enough to keep the rake out of the power lines, but not smart enough to realize I should not stand directly under the spot I was raking. Several pounds of snow landing on top of your head, embarrassing yet entertaining for all. I think even my dogs laughed at me for that one. At least I learned quickly and only dumped the snow from the roof on my head once.

Make a major move across climates at least once in your life. It’s wicked fun, and, who knows, it may end up being less temporary than you originally planned. Or you may dart back south with your tail tucked between your legs. I ended up staying… after I unfroze my gas line in the truck and got the snow off my head. 🙂

Photo by me. Dec 2013. Maine